When a child experiences the death of a parent or of a brother or sister

Leading researchers agree that the death of a parent or of a brother or sister is one of the hardest losses a child has to face.

Young people’s responses to the death of a parent, brother or sister will vary according to:

• their age
• the cause and nature of the death (for example, whether sudden or expected, whether by suicide or violence)
• the family circumstances (for example, whether parents lived together, whether major life changes will now be necessary) 
• any previous experience of death or trauma within the family
• their own strengths and the support and care they receive.

The death of a parent, brother or sister may cause a child or young person to feel some or all of the following:

• deep sadness, that may or may not be expressed in conventional ways such as crying
• a hollow, achy pain inside that is hard to put into words and may be described as hunger, boredom, fear or often feeling sick.
• loneliness and a sense of having been abandoned
• anxiety about the safety and well-being of the rest of the family, especially the surviving parent and including themselves
• that they have to become more responsible – ‘man of the house now’
• that there’s no point in anything any more, including school work
• anger and even rage at what has happened
• blame or guilt for things said or unsaid, done or undone
• relief – if the family situation had become difficult, for example physical symptoms (ones that may echo their dead parent’s symptoms).